clearlywrong:

Insomnia.

(via withersnumb)

Hard things for me:

1. Admit my weakness This is really hard for me. It’s hard to admit that I get lonely, sad and sometimes I don’t like myself.( inside or out) I can’t say that the scars on my thighs are made by me and a razor blade

2. Share my feelings “I love you” ah, what a hard thing to say. I think I’ve once  drunk told my BF that I like him. Can’t say it sober. Also I do my best to hide my tears. (He has never seen me cry.)

3. Explain my thoughts and feelings Sometimes I get really anxious without any reason, I don’t know why, and that makes it hard to explain. It seems to bother other people.

4. Being proud I hardly ever show anyone my drawings, paintings or anything I’ve done. I doubt myself alot. I hate it when I’m being compared to others, cause I’m not trying to be better than someone else or the same. So I’m just scared  that people won’t like my work cause someone elses is “better.”

Those are probably the hardest things for me, there are other things too but those are the worse. Does these thing make it impossible to live with me? Care for me? Do I seem so cold that noone can love me?

Yes I get bruises too

~Gremlin

Hello, hi and hello. I just came from my granpas birthday. 75 he turned, quite a lot.. I’ve always been a granpas girl. When all my cousins and my brother liked more spending time with granma, I was with granpa. It’s funny how he gets so croutchy sometimes and sometimes he’s so childlish and on his way cute. :) He was one of my best friends when I was little.

Change of subject… How can I miss someone that I haven’t seen only for 1 day, even though I know I can call him any minute and he’d probably come right over if I asked him to. But I can’t make myself pick up the phone and call him. He needs his own time doesn’t he? He needs to have his own hobbies and not be with me every second of the day. (but i wanna know where he is and what hes doing.) Does he have these same thoughts? Does he want to call me too? Why doesn’t he? Or does he just enjoy his time apart from me? (i am a booring person) those are my thougths…

~Gremlin

Why can’t he understand that he doesn’t own me? I thought that I made it clear that we’re only friends. He said he understood and was ok with it. Now he’s aparently going to kick my BF’s ass. Ofcourse he’s not going to, but it’s pissing me off and I really think I should start completely ignoreing him.

Is it possible to play with peoples feeling without knowing it?

~Gremlin

feeling kind of sad today… I’m missing my granma, haven’t seen him in over a year.. 1,5 actually. I don’t have her number and nerver hear from her… I wonder if she thinks I’ve forgotten her :( because I haven’t and I wont.(hope she haven’t forgotten me… since she’s got 11 granchildren, I guess wont even notice if one is missing…        :(  ) Even she’s never been that big of a part of my life I still miss her like hell. I gotta go see her. tho I’m not sure where she lives, my brother probably does. And even he’s kind of an A-hole, he’ll probably give me the number.

She’s the only relative on my dads side that I’ve tried to keep connection since my he died. (10 years ago) and I hate it that I lost the connection to her too. :(

~gremlin